| Falling Away On the dark cliff Over wild seas He hates everything Except his girlfriend He closes his Eyes and jumps While his girlfriend looks away Falling love In the world On the land There is a man who Waits on the sand For the one His precious love To ask her into marriage Shells In the forest Amongst the trees The jaguar waits For the hunter it sees To move away When suddenly He is seen |
1.06.2006
A Few Different Poems
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4 comments:
Hey Alex,
Can I do some editing? I really like the first poem, its sad.
Falling Love:
In the world
On the land
There is a man
Who waits on the sand
For the one who is
He precious love
To ask for her hand
in marriage.
Shells:
You can't really use "in the" twice in a row. what about amid or amidst the trees? And the hunter passes away? It sounds like he's waiting for the hunter to die, and not waiting to kill him. But whatever.
Don't yell at me too much, I just love editing too much.
Maria
sorry, I made a typo, Falling love: his precious love, not he precious love
Maria, u are such a nerd!!! luv ya anyway. and alex, maria's right about ur typo stuff.
~Meagan
hey alex.its sammy.i like these poems...they are relli good.keep on writing poems like these.yu will go relli far someday
Sammy
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